Kelly's MindSay Blog

A CLUE WOULD HAVE HELPED...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-27T01:06:14-05:00

Looks like I picked the perfect time to start this up... Some people aren't ones to talk about feelings on this thing, but then again I guess that someone did and now I might as well have too since the one time feelings were shared, my life seemed to be splattered up against the wall with them...

Blogs...never thought much of them, but I guess if you really want to get into someones heart and soul and the truth out of some people, then a blog is helpful. Well... I'm a pretty rational person, and as far as I knew, this summer has been going great. I read a blog today, one of my first mind you, and it basically made me out to be someone that I am not. If people would have got the whole story, my actions could be justified somewhat. I know that when a relationship ends that people should move on, and I have tried, over and over... But when the person that you are trying to get over, gives you hope, or "does things" that would make you think otherwise, it makes it even more difficult to give up. So to those of you out there that know what I am talking about, this is me, speaking for myself on something that I am pretty sure I wasn't supposed to see. Knowing true feelings of those around you helps in how you treat them, or how you expect to be treated by them. I am just surprised that the person writing about me....did. When it comes to ending relationships, the truth is the only way to go, and I don't think that anything put onto the blog was ever really said to me, and knowing would have helped me to to better understand how the other person was feeling, and that the way they were acting was inappropriate for what they really felt. I feel really used and even though blogs are for personal thoughts, I don't think that something so personal should have been written knowing who could read it, and not giving me the chance to defend myself. Well here I am! And anything that I have done it the past couple months was not out of line considering the fact of the words said and the actions made by others. As I said before, I am a strong and rational person and reality is reality, you can't change that. But lies don't make reality, and all I want to know is the TRUTH.

After all that, those of you that don't know me, I'm Kelly and anything that you want to add or say is welcome... I'm just really confused and frustrated right now.

Welcome to My Blog.... My Life...

"Our lives are shaped by those who love us, and those who refuse to love us." ~Annonymous

After a while...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-27T08:06:39-05:00

I just want to say thank you to the person I was previously writing about, for taking what they said off their blog. Granted that it was what they were feeling, but I didn't ask them to and it was their own decision and it means a lot to me that its not out there for people to gawk at anymore. I however am not going to remove mine, I think that it speaks from my heart and I don't think that it was offensive at all. But let me tell you all, that the TRUTH, no matter how much it hurts at the time, is the best way to go, and dancing around it won't get you to any point in your life faster, it will just slow it down. I leave you all today with a poem/im not really sure what it is, but it makes a lot of sense.

After a while...

After a while, you learn the subtle difference between holding a hand and chaining a soul. You learn that love doesn't mean leaning and company doesn't mean security. You begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts and presents aren't promises. You begin to accept you defeats with your head up and your eyes open, with the grace of an adult, and not the greif of a child. You learn to build all of your roads on today because tomorrow's ground in too uncertain for plans. After a while you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much. So plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to send you flowers. And learn that you really can endure, that you really are strong, and that you really do have worth.

Hope you all have a good day as much as I hope to....

Running a little late...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-28T09:06:39-05:00

<--- Insert thought provoking and meaningful quote here till I get back from work... :-D Running a little late this morning... But I leave you with a couple quotes...

"Destiny is not a matter of chance, it's a matter of choice. It's not a thing to be waited for, it's a thing to be achieved."

"Winners don't wait for chances... they take them."

Hope everyone has a good day... it'll be a long one for this girlie...

P.S. Thank you honesty, and a big thank you to a friend that I know will always be there... :)

What Actually Love Is...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-28T06:06:44-05:00

Okay... so a real update for today, rather than some two minute thing that I frantically typed before heading to work this morning... When you work by yourself, you have a lot of time to bounce ideas around in your head, ideas from previous days, ideas of today, ideas for tomorrow... But I have yet to find the one idea that makes my life make sense. But for those of you out there looking for the answer to your own destiny, or even just a reason for what is happening in your life at this very moment, the following has more ideas than even I could think up in a boring 8 hour day at work.

What Actually Love Is...

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life's a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn't the end of the world,
it's the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It's when you shed tears and still you care for him,
its when he ignores you and you still long for him.
It's when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I'm happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it,
but when love dies,
you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you've made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and say, "Can I come in?"

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.
It's more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they'd be happier if we let go.

It's best to wait for the one you want than to settle for one that's available.
Best to wait for the one you love than the one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who
hurts you the most, and sometimes the friend who takes you
into his arms and cries when you cry turns out to be the love
you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go
don't believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,
that's what true love is.

Laugh to your heart's content; you cannot go through life
without it.

It's getting better all the time...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-29T09:06:43-05:00

Eventually all the pieces will fall into place... Until then, laugh at the confusion, live for the moment, and know that everything is happening for a reason.

Whatever relationships you have attracted in your life at this moment, are precisely the ones you need in your life at this moment. There is a hidden meaning behind all events, and this hidden meaning is serving your own evolution.

Everyone have a great day!!! :)

TRUTH...

kelleez22 — 2005-06-29T10:06:26-05:00

So today was loooong! Wow! But I got to go home and I realized something. I had forgotten what is important in life, not that friends aren't... But your family is who made you who you are, and you should cherish them always, and never forget to tell them how much they mean to you.

The following was written by one of my best friends in the whole world, Marie. She wrote it for me almost 2 years ago now, and it is the most amazing thing I have ever recieved and it didn't cost a thing. Her whole heart is in it, and I'm sure that you will be able to see that after reading it. She saw my heart and soul and put it into words, I just hope that it affects you half as much as it does me...

Love is not noble.
Nobility is false.
A facade placed on man, by man, for man's comfort.
Love is truth, sacrifice, hanging on for dear life
until you must let go, then letting go
when all you want is to hang on.
Truth is not kindness.
Truth is raw,
and though it may be gentle,
it's always real.
It's always love.
Giving when you want only to consume.
Consuming when you feel you have no room left;
that is love.
Love is not eternal.
It exists one moment to the next.
Forever and always is a lie.
Here and now is what is true.
Don't promise me forever, it's not yours to give.
If you must promise, promise me you.
Promise me weakness; for weakness is what reveals strength.
Promise me flaws; for flaws reveal perfection.
And even when I can't endure it,
always give me truth.

~Marie 12/11/03
I MISS YOU SOOOO MUCH!!!

When will there ever be enough time in the day?...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-01T01:07:40-05:00

Whoops... guess I forgot to update today, but now it's time for bed cause this girlie has got to get up early. But you don't think I would leave you with nothing do you?!!! Sleep sweet everyone, and there's a better update to come during the day, I promise...

"Going through life is like driving a car at night. You can only see as far as your headlights, but you can make the whole trip that way."

"...dream a little dream of me..."

Fireworks spark thoughts in your heart...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-05T02:07:36-05:00

So this weekend was interesting to say the least. It was one of those times where you have so many different emotions that it seems like it was a lot longer of a time span than it really was. I love my family and was really excited to get to spend some quality time with them, rather than the usual couple hours because it's a holiday or something, but real time... You never realize how important little stuff like that is until you aren't around it so much and then you aren't as annoyed with your family and you have a better time with them anyway. :)

We threw two kick ass parties at the Penthouse (a.k.a. our apartment) and just when you think one is the greatest ever, you have another and exceed the expectations of the last. Granted not a lot of people are happy about what may or may not have went on, I had a good time, and if they can't be happy that I did, then that's their own problem.

I also learned something else this weekend, and that is, that a situation is only akward if you make it that way. I'm glad I pulled my head out of my ass and realized that I can be okay with anything and I just need to think of how I'm going to feel about certain things ahead of time. I'm glad that everyone came to the party and I feel better knowing that all of us can be civil with one another. I love our group of friends, and I love the time we all get together.

Another thing that I didn't necessarily learn this weekend, but I thought about this weekend was death. Not my own, but the death of people close to you. It's not something that you can imagine unless you have been through it. Two of my girls lost close family members recently, and I just want them to know that I know what they are feeling. I lost my cousin Matt right before Christmas just this past year, and I was in shock. It really makes you think, that every time you see someone could be your last. It's something we can't control, and we can't know is coming. Don't ever leave someone mad, or wait for someone to call you to say they are sorry first. Realize that this life isn't forever, and you should always let people know how you feel about them. You don't want to wait until it's too late. But I'm at peace knowing I have someone as great as my cousin to watch over me and be in my corner. Death is a scarey thing, and I just hope that I always remember to tell my parents I love you, and to let my friends know what they mean to me... I never want to say, "I wish I would have..." Most of you that read this are my friends, and I love you guys to death, no matter what happens, no matter what is said... always know that I am here and I would drop everything to do anything for you guys.

But talking about such a heavy topic makes me realize, that my problems are not all that bad. Even if it feels like the end of the world, it's not. I can get through anything, because most of the problems I have, I can get a second chance at. I just hope I don't miss something that I should have taken. And I shouldn't dwell on unanswered prayers, because in those, I might just be put on hold for an answer to another prayer that I might make later. Things always make more sense when you're down the broken road a little farther and you can actually look back and see what the plan was.

I hope that everyone had a great Fourth of July!!! Sorry about the book, just making up for a couple of missed days. LOVE YOU ALL!!!

"If you live to be 100, I want to live to be 100 minus one day, so I never have to live without you." ~ Winnie the Pooh

IS THIS SPOSED TO MAKE SENSE?!!...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-06T01:07:02-05:00

**Oh come on... read the whole thing, it's a good one... :)**

Does anything really make sense in life?... I really don't think so, not at all. A lot in life doesn't make sense, thats what makes it enjoyable. Nobody would want to live if there wasn't mystery or sense. Life has to be filled with interesting complications. If you always knew what was coming around the corner, you wouldn't get butterflies, there would be no surprise... you would know how to respond at the drop of a hat because you would say, "Oh yeah, I already knew that was coming." Then people would get cocky about it, and assume they knew what was going to happen, and they would try to sabatosh (<--yeah, I'm not sure if I spelt that right at all.) other people's happiness by trying to change what was supposed to happen originally. But the other people would know that those people were trying to sabatosh them, and the other people would know that the first set of people would try to defend themselves and it would contradict everything!!
Whoa... that thought process needs to stop, I'm going to end up hurting myself that way... ouch!

What I'm trying to spit out, is that it's good that we don't know what is happening always. We need to learn in the time being, and not know why things are happening. Looking back on things that happen, helps us to better understand ourselves as well as other people, and how was react in different situations to come... but if we knew the outcome right away, we would alter our reactions and we wouldn't really be ourselves.

Mistakes are some of the greatest things that happen to us. What's the worst that could happen?... You could make some good memories. Who is to say what's wrong and what's right? Never listen to someone who tells you that mistakes are always a bad thing... I don't see a rule book to this life, so who's to say why we do what we do, or why one thing is better than the other. I know what you are thinking... isn't the bible a rule book?... I am Christian, yes, but that book was made by people like you and me, and the rules were made to fit the era in which the bible was written. God wants to you experience life, that's why all of this is here. Experience happiness, sadness.... BE MAD... BE INSANELY HAPPY... but just experience it! Life is good, even when things aren't going your way, it's happening so you can better serve yourself in a situation later.

I love my life, and I'm glad I have the chance to share it with such awesome people around me, and that they share theirs with mine. It's true, why complain, when you know that you have the chance to experience what is happening right now, and not knowing what you are going to experience tomorrow. Even though you don't know what you are going to get thrown at you, you know you are going to get to experience it. There is a reason they call it being alive... Don't sit on the fence and let the world pass you by. Love every minute of it... and look back and laugh, and cry and just be.

Life is good... and sometimes I hope that it gets better, of course I do, everyone does... but hope is another experience to have. I could go on and on, but you know what I mean...
(I think my heart and mind just splattered all over the computer screen... sorry bout that, I'll clean it up later... :))

Everyone have a great day, and experience all you can... it's here for the taking!

I ASKED FOR IT...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-06T11:07:42-05:00

So after writing my life affirming blog of yesterday, I feel like I just asked to be taken down. I must of said, "HEY GOD!!! Over here!! See this target?... HIT ME!" But I sure as hell don't remember saying that. But here I am experiencing life to it's fullest, granted I'm experiencing the shittiest part to its fullest, at least I'm still here.

Honesty is what I asked for, and honesty is what I got. So to all of you out there that don't know what I am talking about, which is probably 98% of you, if not more, I really need an online hug... got one or ten?... I see why people lose faith easily, and why people question the existence of God and what not. It's hard to see when your eyes are filled with tears, or when you are closing your eyes and clenching your fists in anger. The thing is, is that the kleenex is right across the room to wipe your eyes, and eventually your fists are going to get tired from being clenched... then you can see. I'm still waiting though... patiently... So if there is someone out there that can give me a clue to all this... shout out! Anything!! I'm here, I'm listening and waiting with my faith in my hands, looking for what I can do with it.

Friends, I've got some great ones... and some even greater ones added to the bunch recently... better late than never... :) But its hard sometimes to be serious with your friends and ask them for help. I guess I know now why typing your problems sometimes, is better than trying to scream them out loud. Life is one big rollercoaster... guess I need to remember that, since I really like rollercoasters... But I am sick of sitting at the top of the big drop waiting to be let down.

What more could a girl ask for?...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-08T02:07:14-05:00

This is going to be short and sweet, because I'm exhausted... I just want to say, that I love my friends. Even though sometimes misunderstandings occur, it all seems to work out in the end. If I ever really needed anything, I have plenty of "family" to count on, and I know they would be there, no questions asked. Things get rough in life, and I really wouldn't know how to handle them by myself. I just want to thank all of you guys, and even some people who I just started talking to recently. You make my days easier, and I love you for it.

I don't ask for a lot in life, just to be happy, and I am really glad that most of my friends have found that happiness. I'm just looking for that happiness, and I know that I will find it eventually... So right now I guess I just have to live my life vicariously through them. ;) Just kidding...

But seriously, life has got its ups and downs, and I really want to get it up. LoL... No pun intended... okay, well maybe just a little. So if I take things a little at a time, and try not to take on a mountain right away, I know I'll be alright, and that makes me feel better... I'm a strong person, there is nothing I can't handle, but things can just get overwhelming, and you just don't know what to do. You just have to take a breath, step back, and smack yourself upside the head, and say, what a second, how did I not see that before. So, one more small step tomorrow, and one great night drinking with my girls, and all of the greatest friends a girl could ever ask for.

Welcome back home America!!! (And Ben too!!!) I love you guys! Lets "open the throttle and throw back a bottle!"

Closure and a Ticket!...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-12T01:07:53-05:00

Okay... what is the best way to start off your week..... anyone?.... Anyone?... How bout a speeding ticket not even a mile away from your house?... That's right, this girlie and her lead foot got in trouble this morning... and I have to say, either the man's gun was off, or my little hot rod goes a lot faster than i previously thought. But in any case... there's over 150 dollars that I don't have that I have to pay it off with.

If I ask for anything in this life, it is to be happy... and I want to make others around me happy as well... When you slip and say something stupid that wasn't intended to make someone else feel bad at all, but yet it does... what can you do but apologize and hope for forgiveness. You can't go back in time and pull your foot out of your mouth... You can't erase it from your memory... you have to deal with the cards dealt out already and just hope for the best.

The housemates and I had a meeting tonight and talked about EVERYTHING!!... My heart was pounding from the minute we all sat down in the living room, because I knew that sooner or later, the topic would come up and all eyes would turn to me. What do you do, when you know something is going to happen and you have all the time in the world to prepare an answer or an apology or something, and you just sit there frozen and feeling alone?... I have to admit, I feel better now, things are finally in the open where they should have been all along, and I admit I've been an idiot... and maybe this whole drinking thing is overrated... Well maybe just a little... I would much rather be scared of what people are going to tell me, than of what people aren't telling me.

I couldn't ask for better roomies and now I think things will be better... Instead of worrying about talking out other aspects of my life, I should have been spreading myself out just a little more than I was. I love my friends, my family... I am a lucky girl, and one thing that should not be used in moderation is the love you have for all of the people in your life... :)

"Summer Days, Drifting Away..." (gotta love the Grease Soundtrack) :)

kelleez22 — 2005-07-14T01:07:12-05:00

So... another day gone... another day closer to fall, and soon the summer heat will be gone till another year of our lives pass us by. I wish that the summer wouldn't end... not the weather, but the good times that we have. There is no homework to stress with at night... when you leave work, that's exactly what happens, you leave and come back to it another day, you don't have to take it home with you. Most all free time not spent sleeping, can be spent with the ones you care most about and your mind doesn't have to be somewhere else. Fall is my favorite season... Summer is my favorite time. :)

I was just thinking of the quote... "Don't let life pass you by." But you know what?... I don't think life can pass you by, almost everything in your life serves a purpose. When you think that something is passing you by, it's just making room for something else to happen. People may say, things happen for a reason... not like there was a plan pre-made, but that each day something might happen to help you with the next.
Take my speeding ticket for example... I thought, what is that purpose of this other than to drain my checking account, and take away all of my fun. But tonight, as I was driving home from my parents house, a deer jumped out in front of me. Had I been going as fast as I normally would have, I surely would have hit it straight on... But since I was going the speed limit in fear of another ticket, I had the time to stop... Ah, cause and effect.

I'm loving life right now... nothing too big to worry about, and a possibility of something new to happen every day. It's exciting really. I like the mystery of life, not knowing what's going to happen next. One thing I do know, I'm a lucky girl for all that I have, and seeing other people's happiness makes me realize that mine can't be too far away. :)

But enough thought provoking things.... I'm excited for this weekend!!! Corn Roast with my favorite girlies... Riding motorcycles all day Saturday, then the Pig Roast at the boy's house down the street, then a little family birthday party for my little cousin on Sunday... The best part?... The weather is going to be perfect!!! Yeay tan lines, here I come!!! I love the summer!!! :)

"Life is too short for drama and petty problems. So kiss slowly, laugh insanely, love truly, and forgive quickly... Life is too short to be anything but happy." :)

Pretty sure it was the greatest weekend ever!!!

kelleez22 — 2005-07-18T12:07:46-05:00

So I set myself up for a great weekend... and I was NOT dissappointed!!! :) It was the best time I've had in a long time. So Friday was the Corn Roast, granted my girlies didn't come with me, but I think everyone had a good time doing what they did, and that's all that matters. I saw some people I haven't seen in years, literally. My cousins and my sisters took me out to the bars afterwards... good times were had by all. So basically I caught up with some old friends, and made some new ones and partied it up back in my hometown...

Saturday was great!!! I went motorcycling with my ex-boyfriend (who is more like my brother) and his dad (who is more like my second father)... Got a little sunburnt... but you know what they say about too much of a good thing. Came back home and partied it up with my girls at the boys house down the street. It was the best drunk I've had in a long time... Just one of those where you are just happy-go-lucky and everything is all good. Plus I got to hang out with this really great guy... :) That's right baby!! I guess unanswered prayers are a good thing! So we'll see what happens... right now I'm just udderly happy, and I don't think anything could bring me down.

Today was a chill day... nursing my hangover and chillin' with the family all day. Its times like this when you know you are blessed and you laugh at yourself for being so stupid to not see it that way all along. Plus, two of my girlies got back from vacation today... as soon as Karen comes home, it'll be happiness all around!!

So are all the pieces coming together?... There might be a few holes here and there, but slowly but surely, and sooner than later, they will... So now that you heard about my weekend, tell me about yours?!! I can't just talk to a brick wall here! :) Good or bad? Hot or cold? (Well most likely hot.) But you know what I mean. I hate reading blogs that people are so happy, and then all I want to say is, "I see how it is! You want to hear about my weekend?!! Good god!" But anyways... Much love! You're all my favorite. (I can have more than one!!) :)

Aahh... the greatest weekend, leads into the greatest week!!!

kelleez22 — 2005-07-19T12:07:37-05:00

Today was grrrrrreat!!! Me and 8 of my favorite people ever (minus a few.... missed you Harter, Becky, and Karen!! :() went swimming at my parent's house. It was great, I haven't had so much fun without alcohol included in a long time. Killed two birds with one stone... hung out with the fam, and hung out with the Point fam all in one shot... Life is good! :)

Second reason why today was grrrrreat!!! The guy I hung out with on Saturday called me today!!! Yessss!! I was all geeked out for the rest of the day... Something new and exciting to look forward to. ;)

Third reason... someone is coming to visit Friday!!! But I'm not at liberty to say who yet until I rub it into someone else first!!! Let's just say, it will be good times had by all!! :) You wish you knew. ;)

So... what else could you ask for in a blog?... happiness, pretty girls in bikinis (for you guys), suspense, and hunky men on the line... Just one big ball of goodness in a couple paragraphs... This is the best summer ever!!! LOVE YA ALL!! :)

Bunny Blog...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-21T12:07:08-05:00

Three words for ya!!!... BIG ASS BUNNY!!! That's right... me and the girlies of the Penthouse got us a pet! He was free with the purchase of the cage. He's like the size of a small dog and his name is Buddy... I'm sure there will be pics to follow this message... but I figure I'd let you all know about him, so you have yet another excuse to come and visit me!!! :)

Life is great!!! Each day gets better and better... what more could you ask for?!! A BUNNY maybe?!!! :) Sorry I'm just so excited! Hope everyone has a grrrrrreat day!!

Lost Earrings = A Great Night...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-22T12:07:17-05:00

So I've come to a conclusion... Every night that I go out and party and lose a pair of earrings = a Great Night!!! You're probably thinking, what? losing earrings is a good thing?... Well maybe I just lose them because I'm really drunk, but the two times it has happened, I have met some great guys and it could be a good omen. Lets think about this now, the last time I lost a pair of earrings was CEO's... and we all know what that night lead to. ;) And now, after searching forever, I have lost yet another pair, and I'm starting to get to know this really great guy yet again... So even though I might die, because these earrings were my sisters, at least I had one last good night. :)

Funny thing is, is that meeting both of these guys, was some what of a mistake... It wasn't planned, it was a pleasant surprise. Mistakes aren't always bad...

And this brings me to the song of the night... A good one, that not a lot of people know, but a lot of people have lived. Granted its country, but just read the words and know what I'm mean. Brad Paisley is a good man, come on, who can sing a whole song from alcohol's point of view?...

"Make A Mistake" ~ Brad Paisley

You over think things
You say what if we're not meant to be
Well you know what so what
Make a mistake with me

Nobody goes through this life and does
Everything perfectly
We're all gonna fail so you might as well
Make a mistake with me

Sometimes baby when we take
A chance that has this much at stake
We look back and in hindsight
What seemed wrong looks more like right

So I say worst case we'll be left with
Lots of good memories
This chance we have well it's worth that
So make a mistake with me

I'm tellin' you that right thing to do
Is make a mistake
Make a mistake
Make a mistake with me

So maybe my situation in life isn't all as deep as the song is... but I love the message, and the truth in it. Hope you all have a great day, and make a few mistakes... what's the worst that could happen?! ;)

Hey look a carnival!!!

kelleez22 — 2005-07-25T12:07:53-05:00

So the weekend is over... yet again. Why do I live my summer weekend to weekend?... Eh, oh well... its a good time. I saved the day for Brian and his pimp ride and brought the tools to change his flat... I did it in a heart beat, and would again even if it was 100 miles away. ;) Don't ever hesitate to ask.

We headed down to the cabin my Eric and Noelle... it was quite the road trip, let me tell you. Any directions that include a part that says, turn after the crazy intersection... yea, don't trust 'em. (;) I love ya Harter!) So after smackin' Pat a few times for getting us lost in Fondy (sorry bout that Pat :) Maybe thats why your arm hurts today. ;)) But the cabin was a great time... had a few beers... actually got to have a really great talk about life with someone that no one has trusted me to be with by myself in a long time... I'm not sure if anyone trusts us alone together still, but at least they're all tolerating it, and we are fine... I promise. Nothing a wall of pillows can't take care of. ;) Hehee

But after the talk I had this weekend, I know that no one can bring my faith down, and that's really empowering. I just wish that everyone knew that it's okay to have their own beliefs and that its okay if someone else doesn't have the same ones as you... Nothing is better on a summer night than sitting under the stars with someone you care about and talking about life. Ah, good times good times... I just want to thank everyone for making my weekend grreat!!! You mean the world to me, honestly and truly.

With all that I am~
Kelly... :)

The Notebook... FINALLY!!

kelleez22 — 2005-07-26T01:07:40-05:00

So I finally got to see The Notebook for the first time tonight... Wow! It is seriously a great movie, and I only wish such a story could be true. To find such a love, to lose it and to be so lucky to get it back again... So I watched it with my Rebecca Lynne... her friend Rebecca, and two guys who I'm pretty sure didn't want to be watching it, but reluctantly did anyway. Seriously... how could you not cry?! Or feel emotional about it?

So I cried like 6 different times... a couple because I was happy, a couple because it was sad, and a few more because I realized that I could only be so lucky to find something like that, and some because it reminded me of my Papa in the nursing home. It's a cliche, but life is definately too short, and to know what you want, and not do everything you can to get it, is a waste of your precious time on this earth. The idea of loving someone so much for your whole life, and them not remembering you and the love that you shared would be such an unbearable heartache.

So what do you do? During the movie, it was brought up, why is he doing this to her, why would he tell her he loved her and try to get her back after knowing she is engaged?... But when it is love, when it overcomes any love you have for someone else... it's worth it. It's not always right to sit back and smile because the one you really love is just happy somewhere else... when you know that love is true between you both, you shouldn't just sit by and watch you life walk out the door when you know the happiness and love shared together is greater than anything that could ever be dreamed up.

Have you ever felt that life is like a movie? That if someone were watching your life, they would be screaming at the movie screen because you are heading in the wrong direction, but only they can see all the parts and know. I don't know, but what I do know is that I have faith that things will work out in the end, and that you will know when you find your Noah or Allie and you just know... Even though there might be some detours... love never fails...

"So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love."
~I Cor: 13

"The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost."
~Gilbert Keith Chesterton

You Arent...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-28T12:07:33-05:00

You Aren't

Just when I think you're out of my head... you aren't
When I think I have a hold of my feelings... I don't.
Sometimes life seems better on days without you... it's not.

I try to hide my feelings... I can.
I hope no one knows... They do.

I tell myself it shouldn't hurt anymore... it does.
People tell me it should be easy to just move on... I try.
You aren't still in my heart... you are.

Can my feelings subside... They can.
Lets be good friends... we are.
Am I going to make it... I am.

My best friend... You are.

~Kelly
July 2005

Okay... a little heavier subject than what my blog usually has been lately... I apologize. It was a rough day... When a lot gets piled on you at once, other worries just come to mind. Just something I wrote, its not meant to do much... Just some feelings to put out, because holding them in does no one any good.

I had a good day at work at least... They played all the songs I wanted to hear on the radio. Plus I heard "If I had a million dollars"... It brought back some fun memories. I'm looking forward to the weekend.

Right now, I'm going to drift away into a book (the first book I've read for pleasure in a looooooong time) and slowly melt into my soft cushy bed... I actually get to use my blankets tonight!!!! YESS!!! Perfect sleeping weather...

Sleep Sweet...

Happy times all around!!

kelleez22 — 2005-07-28T01:07:15-05:00

No more sadness blog... I read it, and I said to myself... "Hey, what are you doing back there?..." Yea, so this is me... going to bed and dreaming sweet dreams of what may happen this weekend!!! 26 days is toooo long to go without a party at the Penthouse! Am I right?... Of course I am! :D

"I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night." :)
~'Calvin & Hobbes'

Happiness is simple...

kelleez22 — 2005-07-29T12:07:34-05:00

It was a great day... and that's all I have... tomorrow is the weekend, and I'm a happy girl. No need for a complicated blog or long boring details... I have great friends, the greatest family, and a smile on my face... life is good.

"Accept the things to which fate binds you, and love the people with whom fate brings you together, but do so with all your heart."
~Marcus Aurelius

And you all think its just a bunch of drunk Irish men....

kelleez22 — 2005-08-02T02:08:06-05:00

Before The Night Is Over
~Gaelic Storm

Some take their hope, and hide it away
It burns in the darkness, like gold in a grave
There's a spark inside that can't be concealed
No hurt is so secret that it won't be healed

Before the night is over
Make your heart an open door
Then all we hold inside us
Won't divide us any more
Before the night is over
And the time we have is done
Before our courage fades away
Let our hearts be bound as one

I've lost my way, when nothing is clear
I've been afraid to love, then I hurt what I fear
I can face the night, find strength in your eyes
not afraid to fall, not afraid to rise

*sigh* restless nights...

Your #1 Fan...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-05T01:08:20-05:00

Hmm... thought provoking, thought provoking.... Nope, I've got nothing! :D Oh well... I'm crying because my internet doesn't work, so I've been living my net life vicariously through my roommates! ;) They are my favorite. I hope that everyone sleeps well... especially some that haven't been lately. :) Yeay for this weekend...

So I played the question game tonight, which I haven't in a while... granted my responses aren't quite as extravagant as my opponent. :) Seriously, if people could win at that game, you would. So I'm asking you all the question now... What is the one thing you would want to leave behind as a legacy and tell all mankind?... Also... What is the greatest man made invention in all of history?... Ready..... GO!!! Since I can't do anything productive, maybe you all can. :)

Night... Sleep Sweet.

Contradicting Prayer...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-09T12:08:05-05:00

So... lets see here... where to start... Eh... let's start at the top of the hill and coast down shall we?!!

This weekend was awesome... I got to be in one of only two front row seats at a personal concert!!! That's right baby... you'll all be wishing you were me in a couple years ;) Fame and fortune await TKA Brian... let me tell you. A very chill weekend, spent with my most favorite people and my family... Couldn't have asked for more. Which leads me to my next topic...

So I do ask for more... I pray and pray for things to be easier... better, if you will, in some aspects of my life. Just as I finish my prayer... which wasn't really long, just me chatting it up with the G.O.D... The door opens, and my walls come crumbling down and a new reality settled in (Lets say I got some disappointing news that crushed me...) Somtimes when you least expect things to go worse, they do... I'm trying not to be negative, and I really want to be happy, and I want my best friends to be happy as well. It's just hard, and it shakes up your faith a little when you pray and the second you are done something terrible happens and completely contradicts your prayer... and its then, when you have to step back and realize that there is something bigger than that exact moment. You aren't an ant and God isn't a kid with a magnifying glass in the sun trying to burn off your feelers... :) But I hope I am destined for something bigger... As Sugarland would put it, "There's got to be something more, gotta be more than this. I need a little less hard time, I need a little more bliss..."

But anywho... I guess with such a good weekend, a little rocky start to the week isn't all that bad. But I'm a worrier, and this is getting to me...

Ignorance is bliss they say, but I didn't think I was the ignorant one. Whoops... it caught me off guard. This sucks worse than I thought... but I could be worrying for no reason... But then again, there could be a reason. Granted most of my ramblings aren't making much sense... all I ask is to be happy. Not much more than that...

With all that I am~

Always... the one and only... Kelly... (with a 'Y'!)

Aches and Pains

kelleez22 — 2005-08-10T01:08:26-05:00

My heart aches, my head aches... I'm falling apart at the seams...
Where am I heading from here?... Where will I be when the night is over?...

I feel so lost and alone in my thoughts... But when I'm alone thought is all I've got.
What do you do when stress takes a toll... not only on your body, but your heart and your soul...

My heart aches, my head aches... I'm falling apart at the seams...
Where am I heading from here?... Where will I be when the morning sun shines on me?

So here I am... with my thoughts again... holding my head and my heart in my hands...
What do you do when you can't be true, to yourself or the ones that are closest to you?...

My heart aches, my head aches... I'm falling apart at the seams...
Where am I heading from here?... Where will I be when the darkness of night falls on me?

So I'm asking you now, to be here, be my friend... I don't want to be alone when the day comes to an end...
What do you do when you're always the one leaning... if someone would lean on you, would you fall to the ground?...

My heart aches my head aches... I'm falling apart at the seams...
Where am I heading from here?... Where will I be when the sun rises again?...

~Kelly 08/10/2005

Life... it's not just a cereal or a game...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-11T02:08:35-05:00

Oh life... it's a tough one. Granted it wouldn't be very interesting if we knew where certain situations and moments would take us, but it would make worrying go away. Granted worrying doesn't get you anywhere... but sometimes you can't really choose to worry, you just do. It's like not being able to pick who your heart falls in love with. If it was something you could control, life again, wouldn't be very interesting. Well, I know I can't stop my worrying and I can't stop my heart from feeling... but my heart is one of the things that leads me to worry... Maybe worry isn't the right word so much as fear. They are complicated things, your head and your heart... too bad school is only trying to advance your head and your heart just gets dragged along for the ride... Seems to me that there is always someone out there with a quote or two to explain these things.

"The giving of love is an education in itself." ~Eleanor Roosevelt

Thank God for vacation... I need it now more than ever, to escape my thoughts and just relax hopefully... But I suppose it depends on what happens between now and then that will determine how that all goes. But my main excitement this summer is soon to be over. Irish Fest is coming and I can't wait!!!!!

"Looking back, I have this to regret, that too often when I loved, I did not say so." ~ David Grayson

Sleep = My Best Friend :)

kelleez22 — 2005-08-12T03:08:56-05:00

Crazy that this song plays right now... Come on I haven't heard it in at least a year... Seriously... how do DJ's do that? :)

So I might not feel like this right now, but sometimes I do, and it's crazy how most of the lyrics make so much sense. Right now I'm a happy girl, and sleep with definately come easy tonight. ;)

"Complicated" by Carolyn Dawn Johnson

I'm so scared that the way that I feel,
Is written all over my face,
When you walk into the room I wanna find a hiding place,
We used to laugh, we used to hug,
The way that old friends do,
But now a smile and a touch of your hand,
Just make me come unglued,
It's such a contradiction, do I lie or tell the truth,
Is it fact or fiction, oh the way I feel for you.

It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,
Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.

Just when I think I'm under control,
I think I finally got a grip,
Another friend tells me that,
My name us always on your lips,
They say I'm more than just a friend,
They say I must be blind,
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me,
From the corner of your eye,
Oh it's so confusing, yeah I wish you'd just confess,
But think of what I'd be losing,
If your answer wasn't yes.

It's so complicated, I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay,
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,
Oh, I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.

I hate it 'cause I've waited so long for someone like you,
Oh what do I do
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel,
Oh I want you to know,
But then again I don't,
It's so complicated.

Camping... my new favy!

kelleez22 — 2005-08-17T03:08:27-05:00

Best vacation ever!

Most people would look back on a vacation and judge the best part of their vacation by how much money they spend on something. Looking back on the first part of my vacation during my week off... my favorite part?.... Was FREE! Funny thing is, it made me feel more free than I've ever felt.

Pat and I headed down to the camp site earlier than everyone else... I was co-pilot and couldn't sleep on the way down, so keep in mind that I was running off of 2 hours of sleep that whole day. We had a lot of time to kill and were going to take a walk around the lake and check out some of the stuff. Well, doing things spontaniously is best I think, cause we're chillin', walking past all these HUGE rock faces and decided, hey, lets check this out and go rock climbing... 500 FEET LATER!! We made it to the top (I was beginning to think it wasn't there)... I was so overwhlemed I was trembling. To get to look out over such a beautiul view and know that you earned it completely and didn't take the easy way out was totally worth it. I'm really glad I didn't have my camera... some things are worth more than a picture. There were these hawks that were gliding above us, and I actually found a feather as we were climbing up. How I held on to it the whole way, is beside me, but it's kind of like a medal. It was my first climb and I couldn't have asked for more.

(Click on the pic... it gets bigger...)

So we got camp set up anyway... made a few Wal-Mart runs... I wish we had Wal-Marts here like they do down there. ;)
But Noah's Ark was a blast, being a kid and scaring the tourists. ;) Watching Pat and his Eagle Scout fire building skills... Ah, good times... Cruising the shops in the Dells was great, there are some amazing people in this world.

Vacation is my favorite... can't wait till Irish Fest! I could get used to this. :)

Serendipity...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-18T02:08:26-05:00

So halfway through the vacation... It's really sad how fast things fly. Next thing you know, this week will be over and school will be back, and more worries will be upon me. This is what happens when I think... I try to be optimistic, but sometimes I think optimistic turns into unrealistic. Granted living life from moment to moment doesn't give you much time to plan ahead, but it sure is a lot more exciting and you can always look forward to the next moment. I guess when you plan ahead you are just skipping moments and thinking of one farther down the road. I guess living in the moment is good for some things... Like love, you can't plan love. A career, yes, you can plan for a career, you can plan for a vacation...

But spontaneity and serendipity don't happen from planning. For example... as I put in my last blog, my favorite part of my vacation was spontaneous. I didn't plan on rock climbing, especially 500 feet. And while I was rock climbing, I didn't think ahead and plan for a hawk to be soaring angelically above me. That was serendipity. Some of the greatest things in life aren't planned, and are most of the time considered accidents.

I guess I just know a lot of what I want out of life, and all of the moments are extra little suprises that make plain days turn into memories. Generally, I have a lot of goals and I try to figure out how to achieve them... Granted a lot of the time, some of my goals seem out of my own reach... But I know that if I "take one rock at a time" I can make my way to anything. :)

Would you like a little Irish in you?...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-22T12:08:51-05:00

IRISH FEST WAS AWESOME!!!!!

So you know how sometimes you really look forward to something and it doesn't live up to the hype?... This was not the case with Irish Fest... It was incredible and exceeded my expectations! I can't wait to go back next year when we can actually "guzzle down the pints and knock 'em back like candy"!!
Gaelic Storm did not disapoint... It was even better seeing them outside... My throat is still soar from screaming...
So I bought my first pint glass this weekend, with the Gaelic Storm logo on it, and this beautiful Irish tapestry... Proud to say also, that my co-pilot did excellent with the directions, and we didn't even get really lost. We got off the beaten path a couple times, but we always knew where we were. So no hard attacks or accidents. ;)

I'm not really that sad that my vacation is over... I made some great memories and made the most of it! Rock climbing, acting "special" at Noah's Ark, exit 304 not coming quick enough ;)... it was amazing!

Sadly enough it's back to the grind tomorrow... ah well, only a couple more days of the boring office job, then its back to school and back to staying up late finishing art projects... I love summer, wish it wouldn't go away... But with school comes hoody weather!!! Yes!!! Nothing like a good old hooded sweatshirt and your favorite pair of jeans!

Sleep Sweet :)

Perserverance

kelleez22 — 2005-08-23T08:08:45-05:00

Welcome to the Crossroads, where we all come and go, and either we find what we are looking for, or we go on wondering what could have been and still push on... this is the defining moment of what is called the "burning heart"- Perserverance

You can lead a heart to love... but you can't make it fall...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-26T12:08:29-05:00

Ever have one of those times, where you just keep choking on the words in your throat, and no matter how many times you go to speak, nothing comes out?... I seem to have that a lot, and then you kick yourself later, but you think... maybe it just wasn't the time at all and it wouldn't have been right if I would have said something.

I think a lot about 'what if' and sometimes I wish that I didn't have to, and that I'd just get the nerve to say what I feel and mean it whole heartedly. But I think that a lot of the time we can't say what we want, because our thoughts go through our minds so much quicker than what our mouths can speak. I think a lot of the time, I can feel the thoughts on my breath and you would think that when you breathe harder that it would be easier for them to come out... But we all know how that goes. Your heart must feel, when it beats so fast you can hardly think about anything but the pounding in your chest. All this because of the mere thought of the person that makes you feel that way.

Maybe someday all my ramblings will do some good... right now, I'm just spilling it out on a keyboard, partly because its easier to type this without having to speak it, and you can always press 'delete' if your heart gets to your hands before your mind, and you type something you didn't want. <--- Like right there... I just typed something, but deleted it, and I'm the only one that knows what was there. But to everyone else, this looks like it all just came flying out like this, without any deleting what so ever. Hmm... makes you think... what if blogs didn't have a delete button... this world would be a lot more interesting... don't you think?

Clear mind... soft pillow...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-29T03:08:02-05:00

Even though you may be falling, you will never actually reach the bottom... unless you give up.

"I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again." :) ~ Bart Simpson

Beginnings are scarey... Endings are usually sad... But it's the middle that counts.

Hope everyone slept sweet and has a great day... quotes is all this girl has in her head... clear mind = gooooood sleep! ;)

Alone in my thoughts...

kelleez22 — 2005-08-31T01:08:34-05:00

Alone in my thoughts... makes me think even more, and I don't know what to do with all this. All of this weighing on my mind and my heart. So you know what you have to do, and you can't make yourself do it. Then what?... Ever feel afraid to be alone because you know that your mind will wander to places you don't want to go or think about?... But when you think about not thinking about them... there they are, thoughts... even if you are trying to avoid them.

I don't understand... when people say to forget about the past and then they use the past to assess the situation of the present. If something didn't work out in the past... it doesn't mean that a similar situation, with a different person, with a whole different personality and mind set, will end up the same way. The past is good to guide us along... but I don't think that the past should be used as a map of what's to come.

So where is my head tonight?... Trying to catch my heart most likely... catch it from running to a place where it will most likely get burned again. But there's always that chance. My good friend sings it best... "if it hasn't worked yet do you think it really can?... why play what you're dealt when it's easier to fold your hand?... wasting all my time wondering about "what if"... will i ever even notice if you ever try to call again?" I guess second chances are something I believe in... I don't think I'm alone.

I have optimism... that something good can come......of this......from somewhere else....somewhere. Being alone with your thoughts... what does it do?... Makes you over think things, makes you try to run your feelings... makes you try to forget how you really feel and you try to guide your life... but guess what? We don't have all the control in this life we think that we do. Most things are up in the air, and will flow into what they were supposed to be.... one way or another. It's hard to move away from something when you feel like something is holding you back in that place... in that emotion, and you question what that something is. Someone told me once, that "the most common thing to hold people back from something is fear..." So now I ask myself, what am I afraid of.... and why?

So I'm trying to find a reason, a reason why I am where I am, why I feel what I feel... I'm crawling on my hands and knees through the dark.... searching, for a reason... for an answer to what I'm supposed to do.

Okay Mom... Just 5 more minutes...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-06T02:09:38-05:00

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Summer's gone, and hopefully the new start to the school year, makes new starts everywhere in my life. So much to reflect on from the summer, to learn from, to help me along in the future... But not only will I be learning in school (I hope :)) But I hope to learn some more about myself. So that I can make other aspects of my life better and to be there for the people around me, whole heartedly, like I once did. There's no reason to wake up in the morning and not take on the whole day... its there, so why not? There shouldn't have to be a reason to be happy to wake up in the morning... just to say, "Hey, it's Tuesday... anything can happen!" Yea, so I'm lying to myself, I don't really do that, but I want to try to get to a point where I'm even halfway close to that. We have all these emotions and we shouldn't take any for granted... Happiness especially. So bare with me, I'm workin' on it...

This is me, starting to make a difference in my life, and hopefully... someday... others. :)

Drum roll please!!!...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-10T04:09:34-05:00

Presenting......... MY FIRST THEME EVER!!!

Being a graphic design major, and being in love with my car as much as I am... I figured my artistic talent shouldn't go to waste, let alone my sexy car. ;) Okay, so some, if not most people would say that the flames are a little much. But I love them!!! My dad and I installed them ourselves and they've made me a happy girl. (Yea, did I mention I'm easily entertained? :)) So... I'm really proud of making my own theme, and using some of the graphic design skills I have aquired really makes it that much more exciting to me. So here it is!! A theme and speaks more about me than some palm trees and a sunset.... Enjoy!!!... And let me know what you think! :)

More thought provoking blogs to follow... but right now I'm just too damn excited!! :)

Ah... the Philosophy of a Saturday night...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-11T02:09:53-05:00

Okay... so I sparked my Philosophical part of my brain tonight, and instead of actually saying something thought provoking.... I figured I'd ask something thought provoking... Get a little interaction goin' in this blog world of just reading and absorbing.

Okay, so if we are here for a cause, not for a reason... then we obviously aren't just here for a cause of a cause of a cause.... there has to be a beginning cause. Some people call that God, but if you don't believe in God... what do you call that cause? Do the causes just go on infinately?

So if I think, therefore I am, am I just a thought? Granted some of you may have taken a Philosophy class in your day, so you might be saying... sounds like Descarte... but is it a logical question?... I doubt it, because Descarte was a loon. But it's fun to think about.... Ironic. But beings that Philosophy is a serious study of questions such as "Is there a God?", "Are values objective?", and "Is your mind distinct from your brain?"... then I guess it is a question worth asking.

A lot of people don't like to think about this kind of stuff... because it leads to a lot a of uncertainty... "If this can be questioned... then what about this... and this?" Guess that's what leads to people with answers like..."BECAUSE I SAID SO!" But I digress. Too much thinking for this late at night... Someone fight back at me... I need a little entertainment. :)

With ALL that I am...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-13T12:09:09-05:00

Alrighty... So I've taken a second to step back, you know, evaluate my life, where its headed, and if I'm happy with whats going on. Lets start out with school, since that's the new main theme in my life at this point. Funny, how I have really changed my schedule a lot since school started, but its all for the best, because I absolutely LOVE every class I have... (Okay, well not the homework, or the Art History so much...) But in any case, I realized that I was really stressed out about my schedule... but once I stepped back and took a better look at it, it came out clear as day, and it seemed as if everything fell into my lap. Okay, so if that worked on school... why not try it on the rest of my life shall we?...

Okay, so this summer went fast, but a whole lot of stuff happened. Looking back on it, yea, I had some good times, but I don't think I was really happy with who I was. I guess what I've realized is that you've got to accept what life throws at you, because you can't really stop it all. Yea I know... you can change the world... but some things you just have to take head on. So... with that realization, I've come to embrace it. Why spend your life asking why, when you can ask, what can I do with this? Kind of a "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade" thing.

Now, you may be asking yourself... "I've read this girls blogs and this is a total 180!" Okay, so I still have my fair share of things that do bother me, and that I do wish were different... hell everyone does. But I don't want to dwell on the negative parts of my life... I'd rather hit up the positive, and hopefully that will impact the negative. I don't know what clicked that I should just be happy with me and that other things will come that much easier. But I'm glad it happened.

I have such a great group a friends, and great groups of friends in other places... I have a great family, and I have a faith that no one can touch. I know I can count on all 3, my family, my friends, and my faith, 24/7. I do have some friends that I choose to keep closer by my side... but I feel as if they understand me, and accept me for who I am, flaws and all, and that's why I love them. If we were all perfect, this would be such a boring world, full of a bunch of people, high on themselves, driving around in fancy convertibles and what not. (Okay, so I really want the convertible part!! But the rest?... Not so much.)

Alright, so lets recap... New school year... check... New outlook on life... check... New job?... Not quite, but I have an interview tomorrow!!! (Wish me luck!) Man, all I need is a new car!...

Anyone who is searching for an answer to anything at all, I've got to tell you, that from personal experience, if you are looking all around you, you are looking in the wrong direction. You have to look inside yourself, the answers are all there. Be happy with you first, then worry about the rest of the details. This life is all about experiences, and they are a hell of a lot more exciting when you know how to enjoy them to the fullest!

Love you all!!
~With ALL that I am...
Kelly :)
(Sorry for the book... :))

Angels...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-19T03:09:43-05:00

"Friends are quiet Angels that lift us to our feet when our wings are having difficulties remembering how to fly."

Short and sweet tonight guys... too much school, but always time for friends. If it wasn't for you guys I wouldn't make it through all the rest of the things that take up my time. I love you all... If you have a best friend... heck if you have a friend you haven't talked to in forever... let them know how much they mean to you!!! :)

Sleep Sweet...

I'm trying...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-22T01:09:38-05:00

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense."
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Sleep Sweet...

A Rescue...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-22T07:09:13-05:00

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened - everything was lost. He was stunned with greif and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied.

It's easy to get discouraged somtimes when things appear to be going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.

Turn the page...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-26T04:09:55-05:00

"It's much easier to turn a friendship into love, than love into friendship."

Anything is Possible...

kelleez22 — 2005-09-28T10:09:15-05:00

Just a little sketch I did in class today... It's untitled... Give me a name!!! :)
(Click to enlarge ;))

If there was ever a time to dare,
to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,

IT IS NOW.

Not for any grand cause, necessarily...
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that's your inspiration,
something that's your dream.

You owe it to yourself
to make your days here count.

HAVE FUN.
DIG DEEP.
STRETCH.
DREAM BIG.

Know, though, that things worth doing seldom come easy.
There will be good days.
And there will be bad days.

There will be times when you want to turn around,
pack it up,
and call it quits.

Those times tell you
that you are pushing yourself,
that you are not afraid to learn by trying.

PERSIST.

Because with an idea,
determination,
and the right tools,
you can do great things.

Let your instincts,
your intellect,
and your heart,
guide you.

TRUST.

Believe in the incredible power of the human mind.
Of doing something that makes a difference.
Of working hard.
Of laughing and hoping
Of lazy afternoons.
Of lasting friends.
Of all the things that will cross your path this year.

The start of something new
brings the hope of something great,

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE.

Tug of War...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-04T12:10:11-05:00

Life can seem ungrateful and not always kind.
Life can pull at your heartstrings and play with your mind...
Life can be blissful and happy and free...
Life can put beauty in the things that you see...
Life can place challenges right at your feet...
Life can make good of the hardships we meet...
Life can overwhelm you and make your head spin...
Life can reward those determined to win...
Life can be hurtful and not always fair...
Life can surround you with people who care...
Life clearly does offer its Up and its Downs...
Life's days can bring you both smiles :) and frowns :(...
Life teaches us to take the good with the bad...
Life is a mixture of happy and sad...

So... Take the Life that you have and give it your best...
Think positive, be happy let God do the rest... :)
Take the challenges that life has laid at your feet...
Take pride and be thankful for each one you meet...
To yourself give forgiveness if you stumble and fall...
Take each day that is dealt you and give it your all...
Take the love that you're given and return it with care...
Have faith that when needed it will always be there...
Take time to find the beauty in the things that you see...
Take life's simple pleasures let them set your heart free...
The idea here is simply to even the score...
As you are met and faced with Life's Tug of War

100%....?

kelleez22 — 2005-10-05T09:10:48-05:00

Okay, so recently I have come to a crossroads in my life. I am at this point where me giving 100% in all that I do, might be too much for others. So what do I do?... Do a half-assed job at everything?... Hide emotions?... Basically, I'm debating what I need to change in my life, to better myself and others around me. Do I change anything at all?... Would I lose character if I did?... After all, this has been me for 20 years already, and granted, you can't please everyone, I should at least please myself. Well... beings that I am not exactly thrilled with where I am right now, a little renovation of heart and soul isn't such a bad idea. But... where do you start? Secondly, where do you stop?

Unlike most people, I've had the chance to have friends to tell me when I'm in the wrong, and what it is that I do. A lot of people don't have that luxery. So I do, and now the cards are in my hand, and I can't fold 'em. You don't get to watch yourself in certain situations, so an outsider's point of view is helpful. It may not be what you want to hear, but it is helpful.

What makes people appealing to one person, but not to the next?... How do people decide that they want you in their life, and that your personality makes them smile, or their day better. It doesn't take a lot to make me happy, so why am I this blubbering idiot without a clue in the world what to do to make me happy?!! *Sigh*

Things change... its something we all learn throughout life, its something we all have to take head on one time or another. But, that doesn't mean that things don't change for the better. I guess that's why I've always been a hopeful person.

When you're heart is heading in one direction, and your head is trying to lead it a different way, your heart still wins. "You can lead a heart to love, but you can't make it fall." But, once you do fall, its hard to lead it back again. If there was ever a time that I needed an answer in what to do with myself, now would be it. I need to figure something out within me to make sense of everything I've been dealt.

So... although I am still clueless as to what needs to be done, I guess it's a good thing that I atleast had the realization. Now... what to do with it.

The Beginning...

The Wrong Way

kelleez22 — 2005-10-06T02:10:10-05:00

The wrong way, no one ever does this;
We're the best of friends, but at one time longed to kiss.

To change to a friendship from love,
Makes me wonder who’s watching from above.

We have done things in opposite array,
But for us, maybe God intended it this way.

You were my world, each breath I took, everything I dreamed,
A friendship shouldn't come from this, but amazingly through the dark it beamed.

Maybe out of our mistakes came a sign;
That you were meant to be just a great friend of mine.

I feel fortunate that we are still so close,
Even though we don't share what I wanted most.

For now I understand what I have gained from all this,
A special friend, who for not one moment, do I want to miss.

May the wind always be at your back...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-11T04:10:34-05:00

Quick update.... I kicked my Art History test's ass!!! I'm so proud of me... A wasted weekend of homecoming, well minus Saturday night, and I get an 'A'.... Works for me.

I spent my time making a new theme tonight... irishangel .... pretty sure anyone who reads this knows who it is... I'm pretty proud of it. The header picture took forever, I couldn't get it just right for the life of me.

Today was great!!! I have a feeling it's going to be a good week!!!!

I wish you all the best week ever!!! :D

"May the road rise to
meet you.
May the wind always be
at your back.
May the sun shine warm
upon your face.
May the rains fall soft upon
your fields.
And until we meet again may
the Lord hold you in the palm
of His hand."
~Irish Blessing

Thats it!...Tempted to Touch!!!!

kelleez22 — 2005-10-12T08:10:14-05:00

This week has just been one awesome day after another... and I'm lovin' the fall weather... (Whoever invented hoodies is a GOD/GODDESS!!!) But anyway... I digress...

You know when you can't think of the name of the song you are thinking of, or who the artist is, or anything remotely close to it?.... That was me for the past week... There was a song, I heard maybe twice in my life and for some reason, in my downloading maniac mood, I wanted to find it... I stubbled across it by accident today!!!!! I WIN! Tempted to Touch-Kevin Little/Rupee... (Didn't think I'd find it, did you!!??) :) It's the simple things in life. Well now its stuck in my head, but thats okay.

I LOVE FALL!! It's my favorite season... And not just because it's my birthday. Which reminds me.... this is my last weekend underage!! I can't believe how fast time flies. Things from 2 years ago seem like 10.... and after this birthday, what milestone do I have to look forward to?... Hmm.... turning 30?? YIKES... Hopefully I get it all figured out by then... But when I am that old, I'm going to look back to the days where trying to find the song on the tip of my tongue was my biggest worry. :)

HaHa... Not thirty yet.... I'm partying it up!!! Who's coming to the birthday party the 21st through the 23rd!!!??? :D

Hope everybodies having a good week... "Smile, it's gloomy out!"

Heart and Soul...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-18T03:10:25-05:00

Ah yes... a new week, and granted I got less than 2 hours of sleep last night... it's off to a great start!!! So, that art history exam I was talking about earlier?... 95%... 'A' baby!!! I just wanted to run out of the there screaming with excitement!!! It was one of the greatest sleep deprived highs ever! But, that all did catch up with me... and I think my body is hating me for the lack of sleep... But even before all this no sleep nonsense, I just haven't felt quite right lately... I don't know, hoping its all good, and no worries. The Birthweek is upon us... Saturday = 21 for me and Harter!!! I'm friggin' excited, and Mal is coming, and we're having a Passions Party... it's going to be great!!!

A great friend of mine sparked an idea in my mind, an idea of the heart, and mainly the soul. I really think that everything has been going so well lately, because I have found it, and everything is falling into place. I wrote this as a reply to another person's blog, but beings that it wouldn't be read by a lot of people, I figured it was worth putting on here.

Each and every one of us contains an invisible part of our bodies we cannot see, but one that we can feel. This part of our body is called the soul. Granted, everyone may not call it that, there is an unknown force within us (not Star Wars talk). But it is through our souls that we search for the meaning of life. However, one cannot discover the meaning of life without fulfilling the soul first. Some people search their entire lives without ever truly finding or understanding what the meaning of life is for them, or how they can fulfill their souls. But once you do find it, all the rest comes naturally.

Here's to hoping that each and every one of you does find that inner spark of life, that makes everything a bit clearer. :)

SMILE... :)

kelleez22 — 2005-10-25T01:10:13-05:00

Close your eyes... And go back...
Before the Internet or the AIM
Before semi automatics and weed
Before playstation2 or X-bOX Before the 5 hours of homework you put off every night...

Way back...
I'm talkin' bout hide and go seek at dusk.
Red light, Green light.
Playing kickball & dodgeball until your porch light came on.
Mother May I?
Red Rover
four square
Hula Hoops
Running through the sprinkler
Happy Meals
Getting the privelage to sit in the front seat of the car

Wait...
Watchin' Saturday Morning cartoons
Like Hey Arnold and Doug Recess
Or what about legends of the hidden temple, global guts,
double dare, bloody mary and who, ARE YOU AFFRAID OF THE DARK!
Who could forget Snick
Or the teenage mutant ninja turtles,
scooby doo, and Power Rangers,
Christmas morning...
Your first day of school
Bedtime Prayers and Goodnight Kisses
Climbing trees
A million mosquito bites and sticky fingers
Jumpin' down the steps
Jumpin' on the bed
Pillow fights
Runnin' till you were out of breath
Laughing so hard that your stomach hurt and you almost peed your pants
Laughing so hard that you did pee your pants
Being tired from playin' all day
Your first crush...
Rainy days at school meant playing "Heads down 7-Up" in the classroom
Remember that?

I'm not finished yet...
Kool-Aid & Icee Cup was the drink of the summer
Giving your friends a ride on your handlebars or spokes
Wearing your new shoes on the first day of school
Class Field Trips
When nearly everyone's mom was at home when the kids got there.
When getting high was swinging on the swing-set
When $5 seemed like a million, and another dollar a Miracle. (Wait... that's still the case. :))
When your parents took you to McDonalds and you were so cool.
When Toys r Us overuled the "mall"
I want to go back to the time when...
Decisions were made by going "eeny-meeny-miney-moe"
Mistakes were corrected by simply exclaiming, "do over!"
"Race issue" meant arguing about who ran the fastest.
Money issues were handled by whoever was the banker in "monopoly"
Catching fireflies could happily occupy an entire evening
It wasn't odd to have two or three "best" friends.
Saying cuss words were referred to the "F, B or S - word" or
h-e double hockey sticks.
Being old, referred to anyone over 20.
The worst thing you could catch from the opposite sex was cooties.
The only real heart break you had was when your mom wouldnt buy you that new toy
Nobody was prettier than Mom
Nobody was cooler than Dad
Scrapes and bruises were kissed and made better
It was a big deal to finally be tall enough to ride the "big people" rides at the amusement park.
Getting an inch of snow was a dream come true.
Abilities were discovered because of a "double-dog-dare"
Spinning around, getting dizzy and falling down was cause for giggles.
If you can remember most or all of these, then you have LIVED!!!

Hope that this gave everyone a break from their "grown up" life... Maybe you had a chance to sit back amid the noise and haste and smile for a memory... not the normal dopey grin, just because you had too much liquor... :)

Who's jumping in some leaves with me this week?!! ;)

Butterfly Effect...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-27T02:10:22-05:00

Once upon a time, a young girl was playing in her grandmother's garden when she noticed some butterfly cocoons getting ready to open. She watched the first butterfy trying to come out of its home. It struggled, and took a long time. By the time the butterfly got out, it was exhausted. It had to lay on the tree branch and rest awhile before it could take flight. The little girl felt so terrible for the little butterfly, who had to go through so much of a struggle just to get out of his little cocoon.

When the little girl saw the second cocoon getting ready to hatch, she didn't want it to go through what the first butterfly did. So she helped open the cocoon herself, and took the butterfly out. She laid him on the branch, and saved him from the struggle. But the second little butterfly died, while the first little butterfly who had fought so hard took off into the sky. Distraught, the little girl ran to her grandmother, crying. "What happened? Why did the second butterfly die?" she asked.

Her grandmother explained that butterflies have a liquid in the core of their body, and as they struggle to get out of the cocoon that liquid is pushed into the veins in the butterfly wings where it hardens and makes the wings strong. If the butterfly doesn't push and pull and fight to get out of the cocoon, his wings won't be strong enough to fly, and the butterfly dies.

"Without the struggle, there are no wings," Grandmother said as she stroked her grand-daughter's hair.. "Just like it will be with you, child. In life you will go through hard times. But it is the hard stuff, the struggle, that will help you grow, and help you learn to fly." "But won't it hurt?" asked the little girl. "Sometimes, things will hurt. Sometimes, things will be hard. But one day, it'll all be worth it. And you'll learn from all your struggles-- they'll teach you how to fly!"

~*~Believe in Your Dreams, Believe in Yourself*~*

The week's not over yet... come on now... who's jumpin' in some leaves with me?! :)

always give me truth...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-28T04:10:36-05:00

The best liar is he who makes the smallest amount of lying go the longest way.

"....Truth is not kindness.
Truth is raw,
and though it may be gentle,
it is always real...."

"....And even when I can't endure it,
always give me truth."

"I have a right to my anger, and I don't want anybody telling me I shouldn't be, that it's not nice to be, and that something's wrong with me because I get angry."
~Maxine Waters

"Usually when people are sad, they don't do anything. They just cry over their condition. But when they get angry, they bring about a change."
~Malcolm X

Never give up on what you believe to be a true friendship... If it was, it is, and it will always be... ( I hope :( )

Give me a B.....!!!!!!!!!...

kelleez22 — 2005-10-29T05:10:26-05:00

Two words... BEST BUY!!! I'm soooooooooo excited to work there... It's going to be amazing, and I have the greatest bosses and co-workers of life!!! So, granted I work from 8 to 5 tomorrow, I'm heading out for Halloween.... but we set the clocks back, so its okay!!! My throat hurts so bad from all the screaming we did today at our 'get to know you' type day!!! It's so great to have something new to look forward to and to be excited about...

Hope everyone is having as good of a weekend as I am!! Leave me some love!!!!

Where was I headed?...

kelleez22 — 2005-11-02T02:11:05-05:00

So my art professor today said something that made more sense to me than anything I have heard in a long time. I can apply it to many parts of my life, and I want to spark up some thoughts in you dedicated readers of mine.... ;)

"Sometimes you have to forget where you are going in order to get to where you want to be."

Now, granted this is applied to Life Drawing (aka nudie people), but it makes more sense than you know. Sometimes when you try really hard and only have the end product in mind you get caught up in where you want to be, instead of being in the process of things that get you there.

So come on... give me a thought, open up your mind to what speaks to your heart and splatter it on the screen. There's no better way to achieve something than to first think it, then say it. Then it comes to life so much easier...

Oh Gloria Estefan... you know me too well... (p.s. I don't like her singing...)

kelleez22 — 2005-11-07T11:11:50-05:00

So I don't have any really exciting news... not a great day, no cool haircuts, or great dates/non-dates... No new comfy shoes... Wish I could. But here's just me, a sleep deprived, delirious, passionate art student thats living off of 2 hours of good sleep for the last 36 hours... But I did find some interesting lyrics... you know, those ones that are like, "Why is this song written about me?" But yea, I may regret posting this... it might be crossing a line (please tell me if it does). But not all the words speak my life, but a hell of a lot of them do... So in my emotional rollercoaster ride of the day, sleep deprived, hungry... probably dehydrated too.... here goes nothing... (Please give me some of your sleep!!! :)) Time flies When you're having fun I heard somebody say But if all I've been is fun Then baby let me go Don't wanna be in your way And I don't wanna be your second choice Don't wanna be just your friend You keep telling me that you're not in love You wanna throw it all away But I can't stay away from you I don't wanna let you go And though it's killing me that's true There's just some things I can't control Your love is slipping through my hands And though I've heard it all before I know you're telling me the truth I know it's just no use But I can't stay away from you Hold on to every bit of hope, that's all I ever do Hoping you might change your mind And call me up to say how much you need me too And though you're leaving me no other choice Than to turn and walk away Look over your shoulder, I'll be there You can count on me to stay ... 'Cause I can't stay away from you I don't wanna let you go And though it's killing me that's true There's just some things I can't control Your love slipping through my hands And though I've heard it all before I know you're telling me the truth I know it's just no use But I can't stay away from you

What does Love mean?...

kelleez22 — 2005-11-09T12:11:32-05:00

What does Love mean? A group of professional people posed this question to a group of 4 to 8 year-olds, "What does love mean?" The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him cry" Think of the person you think would be there to help you cry.... we all need someone like that in our life, and maybe we all need to be more compassionate like a 4 year old... when's the last time you really cared for someone without wanting to gain anything?... Just to care? Now I know that not all of you are religious, or believe in God, but sometimes all that prayer is, is thoughts you want to happen, or wishes, if you will. When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer for the person who you think would be there to help you cry. Father, God bless all my friends in whatever it is that You know they may be needing this day! And may their life be full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to have a closer relationship with you. Amen. Hope you all have a great week... Happy Hump Day!! (hmm... hump day.... LOL... oops... did I say that out loud? ;))

Blessings...

kelleez22 — 2005-11-15T04:11:07-05:00

If you woke up this morning with more health than illness, you are more blessed than the million who won't survive the week. If you have never experienced the danger of battle, the loneliness of imprisonment, the agony of torture or the pangs of starvation, you are ahead of 20 million people around the world. If you attend a church meeting without fear of harassment, arrest, torture, or death, you are more blessed than almost three billion people in the world. If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head and a place to sleep, you are richer than 75% of this world. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, and spare change in a dish someplace, you are among the top 8% of the world's wealthy. If your parents are still married and alive, you are very rare, especially in the United States. If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because the majority can, but most do not. If you can hold someone's hand, hug them or even touch them on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch. If you can read this message, you are more blessed than over two billion people in the world that cannot read anything at all. You are so blessed in ways you may never even know.

'Till I collapse...

kelleez22 — 2005-11-17T03:11:15-05:00

It's been a long day, and a short one all in the same... There's a lot to worry about this week... as far as the grand opening of Best Buy, my bad study habits for Art History, and my lack of sleep to top it all off. So, forgive me if I'm a little edgey, emotional, or just plain zoned out... I've come to realize that some of my most interesting blogs come out of these times when I'm running on empty, and maybe in some sick and tormented way I get a high off of being rushed or pushed to the limits. I think thats why when I push, I like people to push back.

Being in college, you finally get to surround yourself with people that compliment your personality, people that you want to be with rather than the people you were normally shoved with when you were back in your home town. Differences in people make them special to you in different ways. So although most of the people that you hang out with have something in common, like making you laugh, or being there to lend a shoulder, or an ear, they all have a way about them, that draws you to them seperately. So bringing this into full-circle to what I was talking about before, I like people who give me a challenge, people who bring out the best in me, and sometimes even bring out attributes I never even knew were in me.

I'm excited about the grand opening, I'm nervous about getting all my studying in for the HUGE exam that is upon me, and I'm glad that I have people around me that will be there when I collapse from my exhaustion... or maybe the people that will be there to keep me from collapsing... :) So bare with me for a couple days... I'll need you there.

Collapsed....

kelleez22 — 2005-11-21T03:11:54-05:00

So the weekend is over, and I'm thinking my life might be too... Don't worry, I'm not talking all serious and drastic like... Let me brake it down for you... Best Buy rocks and I rock at my job and I LOVE what I do... As far as that getting me anywhere in my schooling, well, it's not going to help and now I am down to the wire and studying for an art history test that is sure to blow me out of the water.

But not only that, my heart is a little heavy from something I read, and can't even begin to understand right now... For one, I'm sure that the person who would have the answers to the questions on my mind is asleep... and, I don't know if I could get answers if I did ask. Why did this world get created so that when you find what you want in life, you can't reach out and grab it. You can't scream out loud and make someone realize that you are actually here... and that even though you might not be the person of their dreams...... they are the person of yours.

Wish me luck on my test... I'm going to need it, because I can't fail in love and that at the same time.... Soon, the confusion of the test will be over, but as for other aspects.... the tests will be ongoing for the rest of my life.

Missing...

kelleez22 — 2005-11-22T02:11:41-05:00

I'm on my way... I've got my job figured out, love that, as you know... I kicked my art history test's ass today... I have the greatest family a girl could ever ever ask for... Friends popping out around every corner.... Yes, those are my blessings.... yet, there is something missing...

Missing...

Have you seen me walk by today
with that same sad look on my face...

Sometimes I feel you'll forget me,
I'll disappear without a trace...

If somethings missing,
I'll find it, but where?...

Look into my eyes, Babe,
that spark is still there...

There's nothing missing
as far as I can see...

I'll take you to it, I'll find it,
just accept all of me...

Kelly '05

Written in stone....

kelleez22 — 2005-11-26T03:11:04-05:00

A STORY OF TWO FRIENDS A story tells that two friends were walking through the desert. During some point of the journey they had an argument, and one friend slapped the other one in the face. The one who got slapped was hurt, but without saying anything, wrote in the sand: TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE. They kept on walking until they found an oasis, where they decided to take a bath. The one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and started drowning, but the friend saved him. After he recovered from the near drowning, he wrote on a stone: TODAY MY BEST FRIEND SAVED MY LIFE. The friend who had slapped and saved his best friend asked him, "After I hurt you, you wrote in the sand and now, you write on a stone, why?" The other friend replied "When someone hurts us we should write it down in sand where winds of forgiveness can erase it away. But, when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stone where no wind can ever erase it." LEARN TO WRITE YOUR HURTS IN THE SAND AND TO CARVE YOUR BENEFITS IN STONE.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person, an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them, but then an entire life to forget them.

A minute of happiness...

kelleez22 — 2005-12-01T01:12:39-05:00

As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't supposed to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. You'll fight with your best friend. You'll blame a new love for things an old one did. You'll cry because time is passing too fast, and you'll eventually lose someone you love. So take too many pictures, laugh too much, and love like you've never been hurt because every sixty seconds you spend upset is a minute of happiness you'll never get back.

At a Loss for Words...

kelleez22 — 2005-12-06T04:12:13-05:00

I want to rant.... I want to rave.... I want to find the words to say what I'm feeling... Sadness, yes... Confusion... Helplessness... I just want to be happy... I just need to be happy... Please? :(

At a Loss for Words

I don't know what to write...
At a loss for words.
I've been dying inside ever since I heard.

Life wasn't perfect,
Far from it in fact...
But I just liked it where I was at.

It's gone now,
That old comfy feeling...
Filled up with sadness and no time for healing.

All I wanted
Was to be wanted in return...
But its like they say, you live and you learn.

I know I am worth it
Just wait and you'll see...
Someone, someday will love all of me.

You're lucky you know,
Whether it will work or it won't...
But I beg you, please, don't lie to me, Don't.

Bring on the rain...

kelleez22 — 2005-12-08T01:12:36-05:00

A lot to take on this week... A lot of different things running through my mind. But what happens will be alright, and I'll be fine. I know that I can handle whatever life will through at me... I haven't drowned yet, and I don't intend to anytime soon...

                    God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,
                sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day,
                        comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

Little...

A little sleep to forget my worries...
A little laugh to forget...

A time to wonder where I'll be in a day or two...
A time to waste to see where I'll be...

A hope to take on whatever comes to me...
A hope to stop worrying for a moment or two...

A tear to show that I'm not alright...
A tear rolls down my cheek again...

A wish that I can cover up my pain...
A wish to be alright, no matter what comes my way...

A life at stake, whether its my own or not...
A life that could change without warning, so soon...

Luck of the Irish...

kelleez22 — 2005-12-13T02:12:59-05:00

Yet another hurdle passed... and now I'm laying face down on the track, waiting to get up and start running... It'll be a while before I can for sure... But for now... I'll do what I can to make the best of what is or is not coming... So, the end of the semester is here.... the end of the year is here... And although I've had a lot of pain and anguish throughout the year, the good times, the great memories and the amazing people I've picked up along the way definately outweigh any and every bad time I can remember. Luck, some people would call it, coincidence even.... Fate maybe?... Well, what I do know, is that no matter what it was, I'm glad to have had the chance to touch the peoples lives that I did, while in return, all they were doing were making me realize what a great person I can be, and they left footprints on my heart that won't ever fade. I am lucky.... I am... Lets just hope, I'm lucky enough. :)

I'm a Product Specialist.... AND I LIKE IT!!!

kelleez22 — 2005-12-21T02:12:18-05:00

One quick entry while I am trying to procrastinate studying for this damn Art History final.... I am soooooooo close to being done I can taste it and I don't have the motivation to study anymore... WHY!!!??? I love Christmas, but I can't get over this stupid exam... This time tomorrow night hopefully I will be too drunk to remember the semester...

I LOVE MY JOB!!! Working at Best Buy was probably one of the best things I have ever decided to do. I love what I do, I love who I work with, and I love that we can all party like rock stars while we aren't at work. I never thought in my whole life that you could ever have fun at work, and I have finally been proven wrong. I feel like I can actually go somewhere with what I am doing. I have plenty of people that I work with to tell me that I'm going to be going places in the company, and I can't wait. I might even have the chance to do something with my Graphic Design degree there too... Once I finish school I have the people that I need to get me to where I need to be. I rock at what I do... and you all need to come and see me ASAP!!! So I've been partying it up with my Best Buy buddies, and I couldn't be happier as of this moment.

Life is great with the roomies and I feel like I finally found my place. A couple new things added into the mix would be nice... but for right now, I'm not asking for anything... Cause I'm having way too much fun!!!!

FINALLY.... I'M BACK TO BEING ME!!!!

I better wrap this up....

kelleez22 — 2005-12-23T06:12:35-05:00

I suppose I should jump on the end of the year wrap up blog band wagon and share my thoughts with everyone as I just had the pleasure of doing. (P.S. I won't give any advice I don't intend to keep myself.)

It's been a crazy crazy year... but I've been lovin' every minute of it. (Okay, so right there, what I just wrote, was a lie... but you'll have that from time to time.) I may not have loved every minute of it, but it wasn't all that bad. I really learned soo much about myself, people around me, EVERYTHING! I broke a heart, got mine broken and found that even broken things can be fixed. If a love dies, it doesn't mean that you have to die with it. I've always been told that if you think something is right, go for it, and get it. Well, thats not true with everything.

I really feel that I found my place, probably the best place I could be right now. But beings that I am a person that thinks of things happening for a reason, I guess any place I would be, would be good. What I'm saying is, I know that I have everything balanced. School, Work (especially), Family and Friends all seem to have enough time in my life, and everyone is happy, and that makes me happy! :)

If you would have told me a year ago where I would be right now, where I would have gone, I would have thought you were crazy. But you know, maybe it's not so crazy. I wouldn't have ever guessed that I would have loved and lost twice, I wouldn't have guessed that I would be so happy about it, and I sure as hell wouldn't have believed you if you told me I was working at Best Buy and loving every minute of it. A fluke of a job interview turned out to be one of the greatest things in my life. I may have found what I want to do with my life and that it goes hand in hand with my passion of art. So I live day to day, sometimes not knowing is half the fun. But I can tell you that I have found that if you truly love someone, you never really let them go, they are with you always, and affected where you are this day. Cherish it. :)

HAPPY HOLIDAYS EVERYONE!!! Love you all...

P.S. If a fat guy grabs you and puts you in a bag.... Don't worry... I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas. ;)

SEE YOU ALL IN 2006!!!!

Say a little prayer...

kelleez22 — 2006-01-12T02:01:50-05:00

“And their prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make them well. And anyone who has committed sins will be forgiven. Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and wonderful results.” James 5:15-16 (NLT)

Dear Lord,

You know my sister so much better than I do. You know her sickness and her need. You also know her heart. Lord, I ask you to be with my sister now, working in her life. Let Your grace and healing be in my sister's life. If there is a sin that needs to be confessed and forgiven, Lord, please help her to see her need and confess. Lord, I pray for my sister because Your Word says I should pray for her healing. I believe You hear this earnest prayer from my heart and that it is powerful because of Your promise. I have faith in You to heal my sister, but I also trust in the plan you have for my sister's life. Lord, I don't always understand Your ways, and why my sister has to suffer, but I trust You now. May You be glorified in my sister's life and also in mine.

Amen

Changes...

kelleez22 — 2006-01-22T12:01:49-05:00

I've come to this point in my life, where I have realized that I am changing but a lot of things around me aren't. I get frustrated, and I don't know if I am frustrated with my surroundings or with myself for not fitting into them. Well... I like how I'm changing, and I like how things are getting added into my life. Hopefully there is someone watching over me and I get to keep what has come into my life. Complicated?... Yes... Worth it?... Yes...

Ever get into a new situation and it's like nothing you've ever had to deal with before, so you don't know how to react, or what to say, or what is okay under the circumstance. Well... all I can do is sit back and relax and wait for things to happen when they do. But I really love hanging out with the person I want to be with, and it's hard to do in this situation. But its a good thing, because instead of hanging out with me, he's taking care of other things and being responsible, and that shows me more character than sitting and watching some movies or something. Even though if I had one night of that it would make me really happy. I will take it as it comes, because like I said, I think this one is worth it. I really do.

So things change... and I just hope that everyone gives me the chance to grow the way that I need to. Instead of wondering why I'm not the same as I once was.

So this is what it's like...

kelleez22 — 2006-01-25T06:01:13-05:00

For the first time in a longer time period than I hoped, I am truly and honestly happy!!! It's a feeling that you can't describe, but you can relate it to people on a certain level. It's that feeling that when the phone rings and you see its that one person and your heart skips a beat. FINALLY!!! I don't even know what to type, cause I'm just sitting on cloud 9 and I just wanted to shout it out!!! So now you guys know, my life is going great, and it can only get better! So until further notice, if there isn't a blog update... Things are running smooth!

Life is too short to be anything but happy...

kelleez22 — 2006-01-30T01:01:39-05:00

"True Love is the soul's recognition of its counterpoint in another..."

This weekend was awesome (well, minus the awesome headache I had Sunday morning...) but I guess that's what you get when the lights go out and everything is a dollar at Partner's. :) There isn't much I can say, other than I have the greatest friends in the world. And though it's sad to say, some of the new ones mean more to me than some of the old ones. But that's what you get when you grow up, you meet new people, move on, and have that choice to keep only those that make you truly happy close to you.

Growing up in a town of 300 and a graduating class of a little more than 100... I didn't have much of a choice of who I got to be with or who I hung out with. You were basically stuck with the same group of people for 13 years of your life. But now, being a full blown adult without restrictions, I'm glad for the choices I've made and it can only get better.

Lots of things are changing in my life, and I realized that they didnt' happen until I figured myself out. That was what needed to be done. To be happy with yourself will make it easier to find what outside factors will make you happy. It's not selfish, but you can't work on other aspects of your life if you are too busy worrying about fixing yourself.

So there is my two cents for the day. Live, love and be happy. Sing too loud in the car, even when you don't know the words. :) Your day will be better I am sure of it.

Banana Pancakes...

kelleez22 — 2006-01-31T02:01:51-05:00

:)

Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this song
It's meant to keep you
From doin' what you're supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in
I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now

And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

But just maybe, hala ka ukulele
Mama made a baby
I really don't mind the practice
Because you're my little lady
Lady, lady love me

Because I love to lay here lazy
We could close the curtains

Pretend like there's no world outside
And we could pretend that all the time
Can't you see that it's just raining
There ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need
Can't you see, can't you see

Rain all day and I don't mind

The telephone singing, ringing, it's too early
Don't pick it up
We don't need to
We got everything we need right here
And everything we need is enough
It's just so easy
When the whole world fits inside of your arms

Do we really need to pay attention to the alarm
Wake up slow, wake up slow

But baby, you hardly even notice
When I try to show you this song
It's meant to keep you
From doin' what your supposed to
Like wakin' up too early
Maybe we could sleep in

I'll make you banana pancakes
Pretend like it's the weekend now
And we could pretend it all the time
Can't you see that it's just rainin'
There ain't no need to go outside

Ain't no need, ain't no need
Rain all day and I really, really, really don't mind
Can't you see, can't you see

We've got to wake up slow

~Jack Johnson "Banana Pancakes"

Can I just play on the monkey bars?!

kelleez22 — 2006-02-02T11:02:43-05:00

Remember back in the day, when all we had to worry about was who we hung out with at recess, or who we were going to sit by at lunch? Ah, those were the days... whatever happened to things being simple? Well, I guess that comes with the territory of growing up. I guess I don't expect the challenge sometimes, and the fact that the great things we get in this life don't come easy. Then even when they do come, you always have to work at them, to keep them great. Damn the work...

When things come along in your life that are worth all the work, it's hard to come to terms with the fact that you can't just be happy go lucky all the time. You know what?... I say bring it on, bring on the hardships, if I get to be happy when it's all said and done, it's more than worth it. I know that. It's kind of crazy when you realize that something is right in your life, and that you should keep that part the way it is, and not change it.

I've got a lot of figuring out to do, and I really think that if I attack one thing at a time, that everything else will just fall into place. So I'm chillin' right now and hoping that it does me some good. According to some people I have to stop planning and let things happen. They could be right, after all, that's half the reason why I love hanging out with people, they help me to be a better me. Crazy what good a few almost perfect people can do.

Just someone...

kelleez22 — 2006-02-07T09:02:57-05:00

Find the guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, one who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heart beat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep...Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you're just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and lucky he is to have you...the one who turns to his friends and says 'that's her!'

Wait for that one... because life's too short to waste on just someone.

Shit Happens...

kelleez22 — 2006-02-08T01:02:49-05:00

Sometimes you get to a point in your life... or a time in your life where you want to just scream. You want to give up on what situations you are in, and just sit back and let things happen to you without trying. Sure, good things come to those who wait, but I'm pretty sure that I'm not someone who sits back without trying. If I want something I am going to go for it. Happiness is what I look for. Well with the situation I've gotten myself into (it's complicated I won't explain) I don't have a choice to take charge as I normally would. I don't have the option to. I don't even know why I'm typing... maybe because I don't know what else to do. Sitting still isn't one of my strong points.

Lovin' every minute of it....

kelleez22 — 2006-02-10T01:02:20-05:00

Always a catch... Nothing comes for free, or without trials and tribulations. I knew that when I signed up for this ride. Ah well... you know, once in a lifetime something comes along, and you grab it, and the rough times are well worth it. I'm a lucky girl, a verylucky girl to have been given the chances I've gotten. I knew that Best Buy was a good thing when I started, and now I'm bought into the company. I've gotten some of the best friends a girl could have, just by a fluke job interview that I really wasn't even trying for. It came along at the right time.

Everyone has 'the worst day ever' once in a while. But you know its not the worst in actuality, and that better and better days have happened and will happen again. If we thought that every 'worst day' was it, we wouldn't have anything to look forward to. Without bad days, the good days don't seem as sweet. Lucky for me, lately, good days don't take all that much, and well, even though bad days can be depressing, I know that it really in all honesty could be worse.

I'm a lucky girl, in a lot of aspects in my life. Not a lot of people can say that. I really am happy to be humble enought to realize that there are greater and lesser people than myself, and that way I don't risk the chance of being vain or bitter.

So this week what have I learned? Number one, listen to those that know you best, they have a lot of great insite on situations. Number two, it is good to be patient. And finally, number three, it is okay after being patient and taking time to think of a solution, to take the bull by the horns and do something about the situation you're in.

Hope you all are having great days, and if not, remember a better one is soon on its way.

Effort...

kelleez22 — 2006-02-12T11:02:42-05:00

If someone wants to be in your life, they will make the effort to. If someone belongs in your life, they will always find their way back in. But if they don't make the effort, or find their way, then they simply aren't meant to be in your life.

Unconditional.....

kelleez22 — 2006-02-23T12:02:53-05:00

People are unreasonable, illogical and self-centered.
Love them anyway.

If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies.
Succeed anyway.

The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow.
Do good anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable.
Be honest and frank anyway.

The biggest person with the biggest ideas can be
shot down by the smallest person with the smallest mind.
Think big anyway.

What you spend years building may
be destroyed overnight.
Build anyway.

People really need help but may attack if you help them.
Help people anyway.

Give the world the best you have
and you might get kicked in the teeth.
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

The true meaning of AWESOME...

kelleez22 — 2006-03-06T06:03:14-05:00

A picture began circulating in November. It should be "The Picture of the Year," or perhaps, "Picture of the Decade." It won't be. In fact, unless you obtained a copy of the US paper which published it, you probably would never have seen it.

The picture is that of a 21-week-old unborn baby named Samuel Alexander Armas, who is being operated on by surgeon named Joseph Bruner. The baby was diagnosed with spina bifida and would not survive if removed from his mother's womb. Little Samuel's mother, Julie Armas, is an obstetrics nurse in Atlanta. She knew of Dr. Bruner's remarkable surgical procedure.

Practicing at Vanderbilt University Medical Center in Nashville , he performs these special operations while the baby is still in the womb.

During the procedure, the doctor removes the uterus via C-section and makes a small incision to operate on the baby. As Dr. Bruner completed the surgery on Samuel, the little guy reached his tiny, but fully developed hand through the incision and firmly grasped the surgeon's finger.

Dr. Bruner was reported as saying that when his finger was grasped, it was the most emotional moment of his life, and that for an instant during the procedure he was just frozen, totally immobile. The photograph captures this amazing event with perfect clarity.

The editors titled the picture, "Hand of Hope." The text explaining the picture begins, "The tiny hand of 21-week-old fetus Samuel Alexander Armas emerges from the mother's uterus to grasp the finger of Dr. Joseph Bruner as if thanking the doctor for the gift of life."

Little Samuel's mother said they "wept for days" when they saw the picture. She said, "The photo reminds us pregnancy isn't about disability or an illness, it's about a little person."

Samuel was born in perfect health, the operation 100 percent successful. Now see the actual picture, and it is awesome ...incredible....and hey, pass it on. The world needs to see this one!

P.S. Don't tell me God isn't awesome!!!!!

Moving in so many ways...

kelleez22 — 2006-04-06T12:04:20-05:00

There's a time in your life when you realize you are moving on, and leaving a lot of things behind. Friendships, worries, and a part of yourself. A move is what I need and I can't wait until that day comes. Being accused of things gets old fast, especially when the things you are being accused of happen to you as well. Yea, you know, if someone is stealing something of mine, you think I'm gonna turn around and do that to someone else. PU-LEASE! Are you serious? No way in hell am I taking something thats not mine when I hate my stuff getting fucked around with. I'm not that much of a hypocrite. But I digress...

I'm just really looking forward to moving on, new part of my life, to fit in with all the other changes I've made. Being 21, its time. Finally figured myself out, and I need a new place to be. No worries and happiness 99% of the time. People who have respect for the people I bring over, people who care about whats going on in my life as much as I care about what is going on with theirs. A blog might not be the place to put this, and I'm sure that a lot of you are wondering what I am ranting about, but there's somethings you need to vent, without starting a huge commotion in your life, and this is one of them.

Happiness is number one now, and I'm there, and in less than 2 months... I'll be completely there.

*Disclaimer* Of course there were tons of good times in the Penthouse... but I don't have the time, nor the space to reminiss about all of that. It was a part of my life that won't be soon forgotten.

Still Alive...

kelleez22 — 2007-03-14T12:03:50-05:00

So I haven't written on here in almost a year. What can I say, times get busy. But, a lot has happened as you might have guessed. Met a lot of new people, weeded out the ones I don't want in my life, because anyone that doesn't make me smile isn't worth the time.

Do what makes you HAPPY
Be with who makes you SMILE
LAUGH as much as you BREATHE
And LOVE as long as you LIVE

Schools going great, my friends are great, family... all healthy. Just that love thing I've got to figure out. I think I'll sit back and enjoy the ride, and see what life brings. I can succeed at anything as long as I put my mind to it, yes, but it has to come to me first, can't chase everything down.

Confession

kelleez22 — 2007-11-12T01:11:12-05:00

Every now and then I wonder how I’m going to make it through the day, or night without being near you, but I do. Sometimes I think to myself, today I’ll tell him just how I feel, but I don’t. Why, when life is so short, do we all hesitate to say what we really feel, what we really think. What’s the worst that can happen? Someone might have a clue as to what is going on in your head or worse, your heart!? It’s hard just because there is one person that can make you feel so much, sometimes you didn’t even realize you could. You feel silly, because the hardest thing is giving something to someone that they can break… your heart. But sometimes you find that person, and you know and you hope that they realize just how much they mean to you.

It’s easy every so often for some people to fall, without any hesitation, without knowing if they’ll have a safety net or not. Once in a while, I’m happy to be that person, and other times, I wish I had more of a barrier. But when it all comes down to it, I’m fortunate to be able to accept love in my heart without reservation. So you find that person, the one you can’t get enough of, and something happens, sometimes it isn’t even your fault, and they leave you. Then, just when you know you couldn’t possibly find someone more wonderful than that person that broke your heart, you do. But there isn’t always going to be that better person, eventually, that better person is going to be the best for you and you finally realize you were wrong all those times before. The best love is unconditional, one where your love for each other exceeds that of your need for each other.

There’s always a million and one reasons not to do something, then sometimes just one reason out weighs all those others and you can realize that your happiness is most important, not only to you, but to those that love you too.

Every person has felt terrified of scaring someone by telling them just how they feel. But then they realize they can’t run from themselves forever. Once in a while you need to throw caution to the wind and just fall.

I can live without you… I just don’t want to.